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Addressing Body Image in Children & Teens

Various media sources may influence one’s perception of the ideal self, or the aspirations and perceptions of others and self, regarding qualities and characteristic of personal value; and thus have a correlating role in the development of one’s thoughts, feelings, and overall judgement or self-worth or one’s self-esteem (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). The actualized image, or real self-concept, is partially predetermined before birth by one’s unique biogenetic composition. Additionally,  spiritual-evolutionary factors designed before the beginning of time and formed in the womb  play a role in the determination of the actualized self-image (Ps 51) .The real-self and ideal- self is further determined by a lifelong relationship with family, peers and society and host of external environmental variables of culture and creation (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).

One’s reactions within a crisis and the ability or inability to adapt, cope, and overcome the various occurrences of both positive and the negative consequential influences of the mental, physical, emotional, spiritual and social variables shapes the image in the  development of all people (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). This ongoing developmental-stage is fostered by the presence and / or absence of nurturing (love), by modeling (imitation of characteristics and abilities), learning (acquisition of knowledge), (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014)and discernment through experience and wisdom which often must be gained with cautious & prudent investigation and assessment of past present and future motivation and intention (Prov. 8:12 NIV). While any characteristic, ability, value, or virtue is based on one’s quality of experience, additionally it may be measured by normative statistics forming a generalized baseline for a particular group within each subculture or culture in a given specified region or ethical people group (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).

Thus, when an abnormal measurement is obtained the deviant value may indicate a radical element, or a variable that is in opposition to the normative standard to the social normative. However, such a deviation may simply indicate eccentricity, innovation or an evolutionary adaption. Per se, even terms such as right and wrong, good and evil, pretty, ugly, fat and thin, will vary from culture to culture, place to place, and even within the proximity of time (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).

On matters of cultural differences and identity, The Apostle Paul addresses the issue of what is more appropriate; righteousness, being moral, or just – following the Law and the social normative standards of culture and society. In Romans 15 Paul concludes, “Faith is not a matter of being moral or conforming to ritualism, religion, or obligation to any form of the Law, but rather that a life lived in obligation in faith brings glory to God. Rather, love and worship is about endurance and perseverance in the exercise and discipline of faith.  Furthermore, we should conduct ourselves in a manner as Christ did by encouraging and building up each other through acceptance, in hope, unity with grace, and in mercy. Our faith is thus not based on any works of law or deeds of morality but faith forms the basis of living in accordance to the workings of the law and the virtues of God. Finally, God writes morality on each person’s heart and the interaction of the individual within the community through the intercession of the Holy Spirit forms the hope that leads to and encourages the development of faith. The weak, or those whom are subjected to the authoritarian principles of the Law and the free-willed moralist should not let their pride cast judgment on one another but rather work together for the glory of the Kingdom of Heaven ( Rom 15: 1-7 NIV).”

James similarly states this message, “As Work without faith is dead as well as faith without works is meaningless. For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead (Jas 2: 14:25 HCSB).”

When counseling parents or caregivers on methodology to aid in identity issues, such as issues pf body image it is important to remind those we teach that Jesus regarded all with unconditional acceptance and love.  Our self- worth and significance is defined only in and through living in faith and our attempts to model actions, thoughts and feelings that are attributed to the mind and heart of Christ ( Phil 1-6 NIV).

Additionally we all are given unique talents, attributes, and abilities before birth, but our thoughts, feelings and reactions influence our behaviors and our  perspective on identity, Thus are image concepts are both on a personal and social level and additionally intrinsically given by God. (Rom 12).

Our pride serves as the basis for all motivation, drive and intentions, which leads to our reactions and interactions with all creation. Pride also is the basis of every transgression and sin and even our best intentions to serve the law and act morally may corrupted by sin leading to our separation or death from God (Rom 1:8 NIV).

True freedom and our redemption from slavery, our justification of worth and citizenship as heirs to the Kingdom, and our salvation is not solely our own making but primarily comes from profession, acceptance, and conformity to the ways of the Spirit and dying to the ways of the flesh or worldly desires.

In loving servitude as stewards to God in every action and interaction as ambassadors, we trudge fourth in the blessed assurance on our path of restoration in the Likeness of Christ. We seek to embrace other in peace, hope, joy and love building disciples as we spread the message to a fallen world awaiting the return of our Savior King.

Many studies have indicated anything from the toys that girls play with such a Barbie (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014)to the physic appearances and attitudes of characters in children’s movies help form the basis of body image, ideal self and self -worth.  Even Disney movies often portray females as pretty but fragile and weak and in need of saving by the strong heroic masculine figure, or depict woman as evil witches,  or it’s is ok for women to give up on dreams, talents or ambitions or even to be of lower intellect as long as she is beautiful. For everyone knows beauty is the most desired trait by every prince (Beth, et al., 2003).

Although the media may influence the development of body image through advertisement and product placement of unhealthy foods that may lead to obesity in some individuals (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). The exaggeration or overemphasis on certain desirable physical and social attributes in characters in movies, books and other forms of media and the promotion of certain moral, political, or other social values plays less of a role on identity development.

God created all of us uniquely (Ps. 51 NIV) has a multitude of plans for each of us (Jer.  29:11 NIV), has given humanity freewill and guidance under the Law to become virtuous, and in addition “God knows every hair on our head (Luke 12:7 NIV) and the thought within our minds and desires of each of our Hearts (1 Pt. 3: 3-4 NIV),”

Yet, although God loves all people unconditionally in our election we must chose to profess believe in the substitutive  love- offering that freed  us from the bondage of Sin and grants us our citizenship and restoration and redemption to the Image of Christ and coheirs of the Kingdom of Heaven through our obedience living in and by faith. Thus, our identity rest in Christ alone and is strengthened by our transformation of heart and mind and the aided by and in our conformity to the Holy Spirit and death to flesh, or worldly desires (Rom. 6, 8, 12-15 NIV).

The main influence on identity is one’s peer and family reactions and interactions. Thus, the best strategy to aid in both establishing a secure attachment style and identity is to model and scaffold thoughts, feelings and actions that encourage both independence and compliance to authority (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). By empowering and inspiring principles of communal cooperation, respect for others, dignity, diversity and unity while teaching unconditional positive regard and biblical relevancy and truth one can begin the lifelong transformation process into the identity of Christ. The end result is the attainment of unity of mind, body, soul and Spirit, the relief of all creation from the pangs of suffering and death, and a new freedom found only as citizens and heirs in the New Kingdom of Heaven (Rom 12-15, Phil 1-6, 1 Cor 12, 1 Cor 13, 2 Tim 3:16 NIV).

In God, Christ and Spirit,

Trent Rindoks

Word Count # 1427

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References

Martorell, G., Papalia, D. E., & Feldman, R. D. (2014). A Child’s World: Infancy through Adolescence (13th ed.). New York: McGraw Hill Education.

 

 

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Early Childhood Education

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The Montessori Method is an empirical style of learning in which children develop at their own pace using a variety of developmental and age appropriate tasks in a systematic fashion. The Montessori Method utilizes instructors and fellow classmates as mentors and additionally, the classroom is structured to provide a soothing and orderly environment to promote positive and harmonious growth for all participants in the program.   In this educational style, natural learning theories involve principles of rationale, spiritual and foundational learning are combined and although the curriculum follows a specific path each student helps shapes the focus and progress thus determining the outcome or growth of each student and the class. (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).

Reggio Emilia, a less formative model that focuses on each individual’s unique interests by encouraging the exploration of creative ideas, thoughts, feelings and interactions. The abilities, talents, and skills are developed using drama, music, free-play through music, and free-expression in words, poetry and the arts in respect for the development one’s diverse needs and abilities of each student. Other methods of learning also are less formal and structured to encourage creativity, unique expression and other forms of abstract and post conventional thinking and expression (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).

In both methods above locomotive play is incorporated with structured learning. However, in Reggio Emilia the arts are embraced, as is the development of individualism and free expression (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). Additionally, the method tends to favor more of a qualitative approach focusing on aspects and stages rather than on quantity as in other methods, which focus on basic foundational skills of language and mathematics taught on repletion and social normative standards (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).

In Montessori language, math, free play, and values and elements of spirituality are incorporated into a structured program with the child setting the limits and progression and both teachers and students acting as coaches and mentors in more a symbolic or communal setting (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).

Other learning methods exist within Early Education but tend to focus more on either the development of the basic standardized skills of mathematics, language, and the social normative skills defined by a particular society, or focus on free play. Additionally some methods use a combination of the two standards above.

What is deemed appropriate or best for one child may or may not work for every child. For although learning tends to follow normative patterns in regards to cognitive, social and biological development and the means in which each individual acquire information is determined by one’s environment and experiences (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). Our unique experiences, consequences and the various ways we all develop and incorporate and process information through perception of our senses and the theory of our mind differs, as does the influence of culture and subculture and that of our worldview. Additionally any challenges derived from evolution itself has a positive or negative correlation to one’s growth rate (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).

As to which model is best suited for Early Childhood Learning it depends on the particular developmental needs of a child. Each individual has different cognitive, social and other developmental needs, strengths and weaknesses and cannot easily be determined simply by either biological, social, environmental or any other factors. As such, the best learning center would offer various learning methods with strategies tailored to meets the multiple complexity of needs of the diverse populous they serve and the variety of interests, virtues, vices and such they may encounter as they prepare the minds and hearts of our future generation to serve and glorify God. Thus, the best center should offer programs suited with combination of methods or a holistic/eclectic blending of developmental-learning theories to help shape the future of the mind, bodies, hearts and souls of the leaders of tomorrow.

For although God created all People in his Image (Gen 1:27). Each of us were created before time, space and Creation began unique yet similar or universal in form (Ps 51). Furthermore, all of us are called to serve various plans in our various stages of life for the prosperity and Glory of God (Jer. 29:11).  This election which is to build, equip and baptize Disciples in Faith in the preparation for the return of our Savior-King during the Second Coming Jesus will bring final restoration of all people of faith. Furthermore, the result is the restoration of all creatures and all creation from the penalty of death that is the result of Sin and return humankind to Holistic Oneness in Mind-Body-Spirit in the likeness of Christ (Premise of Gospel of Romans).

“Blessed are the Children and Cursed be to any whom wish to harm them or cause them to fall, Be like them in their innocence and inherit the Kingdom of Heaven ( Matt. 18: 1-9, Matt. 19: 14-15).” For “We shall all start children off on The Way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it (Pr. 22:6 NIV).”

Whitney Houston proclaims, “I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and let them lead the way. Show them all the beauty they possess inside. Give them a sense of pride to make it easier. Let the children’s laughter remind us how we used to be (Masser & Creed, 1984).” By, embracing, the similarity and building on the unique needs of each child while instilling a understand of unity, diversity and moral and legal understanding educators’ and parents’ shape the future of tomorrow’s leaders and help build lay the foundation of peace, hope, faith and love that will bring assurance, joy and prosperity in generations to come.

In God, Christ and Spirit,

Trent Rindoks

Word Count # 994

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References

Martorell, G., Papalia, D. E., & Feldman, R. D. (2014). A Child’s World: Infancy through Adolescence (13th ed.). New York: McGraw Hill Education.

Masser, M., & Creed, L. (1984). Greatest Love of All [Recorded by W. Houston]. On Whitney Houston [Compact Disc]. New York, New York, United Staes: Sony.

 

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FEED MY SHEEP!

Undernutrition: Feeding the hungry

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Undernutrition is a global-pandemic that results in 50% of fatalities in children under five and in addition, 17% of families with children under the age of 18 experience food shortages or food insecurities in the United Sates alone (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). The consequences of this plight include but are not limited to, impaired physiological growth, cognitive impairment, emotional and social imbalances. The result of this crisis includes such effects as lower reasoning abilities and negative socio-interaction skills, verbal and spatial ability impairment, and other memory-associated tasks deficiencies (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). Yet this social-economical-political-cultural-physiological and even environmentally influenced globally devastating disease is both preventable and curable.

The problem of undernutrition is not a new pandemic. Acts 6 and act 11 address this issue with in the Church as well as this plight is illustrated in the story of Joseph in the Old Testament.  The question of many is what role the Church, or The Universal Body of Followers of Christ, may play in preventing and eliminating this pandemic. First, let us examine how the Early Church approached this crisis

Genesis 41 and 42 details a  prediction of the  coming of 7 year of abundance in the fields In Egypt followed by a famine and the necessity of storing of the grain to prepare for the upcoming crisis. The events that follow in Genesis 41 and 42 lead to Joseph’s appointment as an emissary and ambassador in Egypt and the provision of aid to Israel to his brothers’ who sold him into captivity. This illustrates the need for all people, the Church, and all Nations to come together regardless of differences and conflicts, to forgive disagreements, and seek to coexist and work in unity to eliminate global threats such as the pandemic of world hunger.

In Acts 6, seven deacons or elders were chosen to make sure the daily food ration that was collected from the congregation was equally disbursed among Gentiles and Jews within the Church and community. An argument arose that only those decent “Law-Biding and respectable believers of Pure Jewish Ethnicity” would either receive the rations first, or were entitled to benefits. The Apostles appointed the committee to ensure all people received an equal share and to free the ministers to meet the obligations of evangelism and maintaining other Spiritual needs within the community (Acts 6).

This passage shows the necessity of the church to provide resources both of a monetary and commodity nature (food / shelter and clothing) to help combat hunger and assist in other needs in times of crisis.  Additional committees or relief organization may be organized of committees of mature and rationally sound and Spiritual grounded individuals to act in the administration and distribution of other humanitarian relief efforts.  Finally, Acts 6 illustrates that aide is not to be given or denied based on privilege or status, but to be equal disbursed to all people and conflicts shall be negotiated by use of peaceful conflict resolution methods.

Acts 11:27-30 is the depiction of a prophecy of a Great Famine that will effect Jerusalem and much of the South Asia and how the Universal Church will need to take up special offerings and consolidate resources to help provide relief for the region. The famine occurred as predicted in the time of Claudius and the Church provided food, clothing and other resources as an act of humanitarian aid to all people through the Mother Church in Jerusalem.

Building on this historical model the church in times of crisis or whenever a need is present shall provide resources through the collection of food, clothing and other items to meet special needs and shall help supplement ongoing humanitarian relief efforts through the provision of workers or financial support to humanitarian efforts, whether they are secular, or religious in nature.

Undernutrition is the underlying cause for physical, emotional, psychological and social dysfunction and kills 50% of children under the age of five (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). One of the major factors of world hunger is poverty and improper management of resources or pure greed. A few final suggestions are for individuals, corporation and other affluent organizations to cut back on extravagant and unessential needs. By simplify living, donating surplus items, food or of other commodities or even one’s time, all may assist in the fight against world hunger, poverty and other socio-political-environmental crimes affecting all of humanity because of mankind’s sin.

Other options to help prevent and eventually eliminate food shortages and undernutrition includes, programs that promote financial management skills, establishment or support of food banks, participation in environment protection efforts and training in efficient farming practices, and finally awareness of the value of proper diet, hygiene and exercise. Furthermore, the church should educate and support programs on universal humanitarian efforts, the overall necessity of sanctity of all life, and even the importance of immunization

Monetary contributions by individuals and donations of percentages of profits by corporate entities or even an increase in taxation to help those who are less fortunate as well as reforms in areas such as affordability of medical assistance and or free medical coverage will benefit the populous in all areas of help and enable growth.Even a reduction prices or provision of assistance with the basic essential living commodities such as, food, shelter, medicine and clothing also may prove to be a viable option worldwide.

While some doctrines and dogmas of churches focus on spreading the truth or the message of Jesus it is equally or even more important to practice and spread the discipline and message of love. In Being Jesus and assisting in the meeting of needs, one may plant more abundantly fertile seeds than merely proclamation of truth as many people who have turned away from God have done so out of a belief and feeling of betrayal because of unmet needs. In being Christ like Love can lead to trust and then truth providing the freedom from suffering and death that on Christ can deliver.

In going beyond prayer, giving and providing for needs is essential. To paraphrase Jesus’s Greatest Command In Matthew 28:16 “All Glory and Worship or One’s Thoughts, feelings and Actions and who we are and what and to whom we belong to  is  based on the capstone of Christ and the foundation of Love.

Thus, “It is all about the Love.” “First, “Unto God and then to others and finally to self from which obligation in and by faith leads to obedience to all the Law.” This in turns reveals our purpose or truth our very nature and virtue of being in Christ-mindedness and Likeness (Phil 1-6) and brings about a plethora of blessing for both the individual and the community.

Finally, in the giving of the diversified yet unified flavored Spiritual Gift bestowed upon the believer by and in the Holy Spirit for the transformity and conformity of God’s Divine Purpose of Kingdom restoration and fulfillment. Through our justification, redemption and in our salvation, we all become free from the penalty of Sin and Death and become equally significant and secure citizens unified in community, kinship and Oneness with God and community. Upon the return of Christ, we will become fully united and transformed to our rightful image, in union with creation itself and in likeness and in distinction with Jesus living in harmony with all people and all creation (Gal 5, Rom 1-15).

Erik Erikson states, trust is formed by the ability to have access to the provision of one’s need by caregivers or individuals or people of authority (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). When authority figures fail to act responsibly or when needs are not met people experience betrayal, loss of  faith and even blame God or total reject of the notion of the existence of spirituality or divinity may become present in individual’s or society.  The most effective evangelical method with many of restoring hope, trust, and faith that then leads to assurance and finally the ability to comprehend and distinguish truth is by assisting and providing needs and in nurturing or counseling emphatically to one’s thoughts, feelings and action with positive regard and in a manner of love.

Healing and hope is regained by being and showing love, ministering to needs, and when/if, the person is ready in proclaiming the Gospel. However, the Good-News often is most effectively communicated in other manners using general references from everyday life but is best expressed first through patience, kindness compassion and respect for one’s uniqueness, diversity in the spirit of unity and through hope and above all else unconditional love.

In God, Christ and Spirit,

Trent Rindoks

Word Count # 1438

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References

Martorell, G., Papalia, D. E., & Feldman, R. D. (2014). A Child’s World: Infancy through Adolescence (13th ed.). New York: McGraw Hill Education.

 

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The influence of Media and Young Children

The influence media plays in development in youths is a controversial topic. Critics claim that television, video games, social media and the internet can have detrimental effects on emotional, mental, physical and social growth (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).  Advocates of technology cite that media improves motor skills, cognitive awareness and allows children to engage with people of other cultures outside of their society and provides access to a wealth of information beyond the confines of their localized environment. Additionally, critics also claim media increases aggressive behavior and has the potentiality to expose children to vulgar or unsuitable material not appropriate for either their developmental level or moral development.

Furthermore, some parents choice to make television and other technology a surrogate caregiver and in doing so deprive children of nurturing and social interaction that plays a vital role maturation (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).

In regards to potential health risks television and electronic devices emit blue radiation that studies have proven prolonged exposures can cause damage to the eyes and disturb sleep. It is wise either to limit the time spent using such devices or to take frequent breaks when using devices to curb such effects and to not sleep with television or computer monitors on. Additionally, people who engage in excessive use of technology and do not have a regular fitness plan or engage in physical activity are prone to obesity, coronary disease, a higher degree of stress and a host of complications depending on the risk factors of each individual and the influence of genetics and association of environment hazards.

While video games improve motor skills and cognitive awareness in children over the age of three (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014), certain content may increase aggressive behavior depending on stress level and temperament and prolonged exposure can decrease social interaction skills.

Additionally, prolonged exposure can limit cognitive development and memory skills. Studies have found a dependency on media has caused the average concentration rate to drop to around 6-8 seconds because of media in most people. In addition, a decline in literacy rates and syntax errors in speech and writing may be the result of texting and social media.

Sexual predation and bullying are often first initiated over social media and the internet. However, predators in general will seek out children in any environment frequented by this group. Thus, in the case of media the best safeguards is to have access to passwords, to use content filters, and check the posts and interactions of youths to protect from unwanted activity. Most, televisions and audio visional equipment are equipped with content filters and password protection for settings. Additionally, computers, cellphones and tablets should be protected with content filtering software, anti malware protection, password protection and if the devices are in the bedroom of youths cameras should be disabled or covered up with electrical tape when not in use to stop from unwanted spying as these accessories can be enabled remotely by hacking.

How much is too much media time?  After conducting a review of the effects of media, “The American Pediatric Committee on Public Education discourages the use of television by any child under the age of two, rather the committee encourages in cognitive and social activities such as talking, sing, and reading (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).”  The data found toddlers spend an average of approximately of 2 hours watching television alone. Yet Youths in general spend more time engaged in the use of media than sleeping spending between 6-9 hours fixated with technological devices. The average child should sleep about hours a day, attend school for approximately 8 hours and engage in physical activity or exercise for about an hour a day. Furthermore, all people benefit from positive social interaction or quality time of approximately 3 hours a day and additionally children’s time will be spent on completing homework and helping with family chores for about hours daily, this would only leave 2 hours for media related endeavors. Granted time management and the amount of sleep could allow for an increase in media time as well as the time spent exercising may be decreased to around 30-45 minutes; however, the time spent for media engagement would still be approximately hours.

Does media have a positive or negative correlation in development? The correlation depends on the frequency of exposure, the type of content, the temperament and personality of the individual as well as how the family interacts and perceives media in general.

A further suggest is to use all forms of media as an educational tool and a form of group dynamic model. By including the whole family in the media education process and using the same methods one would use when reading such as, “introducing the theme and asking follow-up questions, encouraging the participants to explore the depth of the content matter,  and/or describing the relevancy to one’s own thoughts, feeling action, situation or circumstances.  Finally, discuss any social values and Virtues, or Spiritual truth, gained in the message. Knowledge and wisdom can be gained that will lead to growth through the media experience. Additionally, this fosters development of listening and communication skills as well as cognitive and social development (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).”

Although, individuals possess innately unique abilities, traits, and talents and learn at a different duration and frequency.  Most cognitive, emotional, social, physical and spiritual development occurs within a normative range. The theories of Piaget, Erikson, and those of Vygotsky are considered as baseline by some and questioned by others; observation of children and people in general couple with one’s own experience as well as Biblical Scripture confirms that life develops in stages (Eccl 3) (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014). Yet, Life also is an ongoing process (Ps 51, Rom 3-8, Rev 20).

What is most evident from all studies conducted is prolonged exposure poses significant risk to physical, cognitive, emotional and social development and detracts from social interaction and nurturing (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014).  Both nurturing and social engagement coupled with genetics form the cohesive bond of necessity in maturation in all stages of development and through ones temporal lifespan as we trudge the road toward the Narrow Gate toward Eternity with and in Oneness with our Creator.

“He changes times and seasons; he deposes kings and raises up others. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning (Dan 2: 21 NIV).” Thus, God, initiates maturation, and eliminates bullies and Authoritarians, bullies and those whom to bring discord to society. This is done so by the Gift of Wisdom and Knowledge given to the mature and wise people who know and teach his ways. These parents, mentors, and leaders pass down experience, knowledge and wisdom to the children and students of future generations for the purpose of his discerning virtue and truth and the prosperity of all people and the fulfillment of God’s Divine Purpose through his various plans for each person given in stages throughout all Eternity and our life cycle within creation.

In God, Christ and Spirit,

Trent Rindoks

Word Count # 1126

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References

Martorell, G., Papalia, D. E., & Feldman, R. D. (2014). A Child’s World: Infancy through Adolescence (13th ed.). New York: McGraw Hill Education.

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A Special Vessel, A Secret Place Formed from the Potter’s Wheel

All Creation is Fashioned Unique Yet Similar for The Unified Glory of God

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In Psalms 139: 14-16  God is speaking to the writer and informs him that he and all of creation was created before the existence of known time in Heaven and that man was fashioned out of the clay of the Earth each for a specific plan or design.  This purpose, which is not hidden from anyone but rather is reveled to all, is to be used to be serve his Glory in all things in every thought, feeling and action.

To fully understand this Jeremiah writes ,“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future ( Jer. 29:11 NIV).”’ Furthermore, Jesus commissioned us all for one purpose, “Go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you (Matt. 28:19-20 NIV) .” This directive is edified by but a single twofold command, “Love God with all Your Heart and Love and teach people to do the same thing for my Glory (Matt. 22: 36:40).”

When all the above verses are taken in conjunction they simply, state God has given each person a set of unique skills and the potentiality to learn specific skills and experience life for his glory.

All that we are given, think feel and experience are meant to serve his divine purpose for the restoration of creation that is the result of Mankind’s’ fallen state of Sin. However, humanity was and is justified and redeemed by the gracious and merciful love offering on the Cross-through his Only Sone Jesus Christ who will return and complete what was finished on Mount Calvary when he returns to reign as King of Heaven and Earth. Until such a time we as God’s stewards or managers of creation must prepare ourselves, others creation for his return.

Furthermore, as love can never be coerced, manipulated, or forced. Only those that chose to accept and believe are granted citizenship and the inheritance to the Kingdom of God and transformation into the exactness of Christ. All others will pay the full penalty of sin, which is total separation and death form eternal life and God himself (Premise of Gospel of Romans). Finally, each of us must do our part in maturation or growth, by renewing our heart and mind to become more like Christ (Phil.1-6, Rom. 12-15) with the aid of the Holy Spirit.

Intriguingly many draw a correlation to The Secret Place” in Psalms 139 with the womb. The traditional interpretation would be to view this as Heaven or alternatively to be within God himself at beginning of time before time began on earth during instances when God began forming but did not fill creation (Genesis 1).  However, as Adam was created after God’s initial in Genesis 1 and Humanity descended and evolved after the initial fall in the Garden this is also an accurate and relative interpretation.

As stated in Matthew 10 God values all life and all creation nothing is insignificant or unworthy in God’s eye and God loves all things unconditionally and provides for all creation with grace and mercy despite any intention, instinctive action, thought feeling or reaction.    Thus, God desires all creation for a relationship with him and all human interaction or our relationships should imitated of function in the same manner as the Trinity.

In such a dynamic the father, son and The Spirit which is viewed as the female aspect of God in some translations of scripture (The Septuagint for example)[1], each have distinct or unique duties, characteristic and personalities or qualities but are able to perform the duties or functions of the other personas office.

This form of Empowerment or interdependent relationship model respects and embraces the unique strengths and weakness of each member of a family or group and combines them into a cohesive unified element supporting diversity and unity giving strength and enabling positive growth and development for the greater good of all members of the social dynamic involved (Balswick & K, 2014).

In Matthew 10: 29-31 Jesus is addressing the issue of fear and worry. Jesus states, That God loves and addresses the needs of all his people and Children.  Additionally, Jesus emphasizes, all of his creation has worth and value.

The vision given to Peter by Christ in The Account and Gospel of Acts is often considered to be addressing the issue of Judaic dietary restrictions however, Luke recording of the account further drives this point home. The basic premise states, that God has never made nor would ever make any junk (Acts 10: 9-16).

Finally while we all are sinners having weaknesses and excessive characteristics. Some of these traits and shortcomings are innate to our nature while others develop from our interactions and reactions to people and forces outside of us. Additionally each of us have innate talents and developed strengths or skills and abilities.

Both the Prophets and Paul proclaims, “Has the potter no right over the clay, to make from the same lump one piece of pottery for honor and another for dishonor (Rom 9:21) HCSB)?” “We have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed ( 2 Cor 4:7-9 NIV).” How the precious children of Zion, once worth their weight in gold, are now considered as pots of clay, the work of a potter’s hands ( Lam. 4:2!)” “Yet you, Lord, are our Father. “We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand (Isa. 64:8).”

Thus, each individual and creation are fashioned for different plans but serving only one purpose to live in worshipful glory for God in the Spirit of love and unity both in a quantitative manner ( Works / reactive process) and qualitative way ( deeds/ active process).  All interact, are shaped and respond to our initiate nature and nurture as we mature. (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014) In addition forces outsides of us transform us as we live in and by faith through the various continual stages of life from conception (Martorell, Papalia, & Feldman, 2014) to one’s transformation- Resurrection and final restoration into the Eikōn of Christ (  Eccl. 3, Rm 8, James 1).

In God, Christ and Spirit,

Trent Rindoks

Word Count # 1167

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References

Balswick, J. O., & K, B. J. (2014). The Family. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

Martorell, G., Papalia, D. E., & Feldman, R. D. (2014). A Child’s World: Infancy through Adolescence (13th ed.). New York: McGraw Hill Education.

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[1]“If anyone loves righteousness, the products of righteousness are the virtues. For wisdom teaches self-control, discernment, righteousness and courage, Concerning which things there is nothing more valuable in the life of man. But also, if anyone longs for great experience, She knows the things of old and portrays the things to come; She understands subtlety of words and the solution of riddles; She has foreknowledge of signs and wonders, And the outcomes of times and seasons( Ws. 8:7 OSB).

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conflict

 

In Oneness of Differences

The Art of Negotiation Compromise in Marriage

 

Trenton Clark Rindoks

CCOU 304

Liberty University

October 17, 2016

 

Abstract

Within every social dynamic quarrels and discrepancies arise. Thus, it is of the utmost importance to develop skills of conflict resolution in all social situations especially in a marriage. A marriage is much more than a romantic arrangement or contractual obligation. Marriage is the second highest form of expression of love and is a covenant between two separate and yet unique people who have become one person joined together in union with God under a higher covenant or contractual agreement with the Trinity of God (Balswick & K, 2014). This concept is often misunderstood in our culture which values the pursuit of life, liberty, happiness, and places (Rindoks, 2015) . At times the desire to confirm to the ways of society or self-take priority over the biblical virtues of salvation, freedom/empowerment, joy and interdependence.

It is only from reshaping of one’s conceptions, action and mannerisms coupled with a will and need to work together in union as well as to search introspectively seeking growth that a successful foundation for marriage can be built.

Therefore, a virtuous marriage is a covenant between God and two individuals. “This union two people becoming oneness in flesh with the Trinity, should provide hope for in oneness with God the couple shall not need to have fear of going thru the process of change alone (Balswick & K, 2014).” Any growth, healing or repentance is not the any venture done by one or both parties alone but is inspired by the Holy Spirit and aided and blessed by God and as such “ If God is for  on our side  Whom Shall we Fear(Ps. 3).”

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Introduction

Disagreements are part of every marriage and can arise from busy schedules, financial setbacks, personality differences, views on religious, social, political beliefs, or simply out of fear. Furthermore, communication difficulties as well as unresolved feelings of hurt and influences from the couples’ families and one’s upbringing are precipitating influences of conflict or crisis in marriage and family life, Transitional or developmental stages also can cause discord within a marriage as well  feelings of feelings of low self-such as unworthiness or insignificance. (Clinton & Sibcy, Why You Do The Things You Do, 2006). If left unresolved this discord result in divorce in approximately ½ of all marriages.

Conflict Resolution in Marriage

Understanding Conflict

The greatest fear is the fear of separation or abandonment. This fear forms the foundational reason of why God created man and women to be in union or marriage with one another. Divorce not only affects and devastates the individuals directly involved but has long lasting consequences on the mind and action of the children and other family members and friends who are involved with the parties of the divorce as well. Thus, divorce is a social epidemic and the necessity for effective resolution skills and effective communication forms the foundation in the field of counseling and the lives’ of every couple.

The nature or cause of the conflict or situation at hand should be seen as the true problem by confronting the issues and facing them instead of avoiding them. This strategy allows for change by growth but it is wise to start with small areas of growth and focus on each other’s strength rather than shortcomings. “This however, often requires each party or person involved to view the problem from the other’s view (Duffield, 2013).” Patience, perseverance, courage and empathy and above all else love from God, self and each other is required during the negotiation process. Although some have a tendency to withdraw or detach from the person or situation of discord or hurt. “It is more common for men to become withdrawn from their spouse. The female satisfaction in the marriage greatly decreased especially when she used the engagement or pursuit method in an attempt to avoid strive (Kurdek, 1995). “

Many spouses have a desire to change the other person into an ideal image or self-conceived concept which in many cases is formed from preconceptions of one’s own family of origin, peer groups, religious –social – worldview and hang-ups, hold-ups and habits formed during the various stages of life before and during the marriage. This is in actuality a nearly impossible task (Beth, et al., 2003).

The key to acceptance and respect, or submission according to Thelma Wells can be found in an understanding of 1 Corinthians 13. “Within all of us is a deep bond that binds us to one another called ‘the glue of authentic love.’ This form of love is an expression of genuine care and compassion for one another.”   In meditating apply and  understanding  the wisdom of 1 Corinthians 7  the necessity of unity to be set free one’s insecurities through loving submission to Goad and another becomes  apparent.  Such insecurities and false believes form the basis for one to change another into an image of themselves rather than accepting and loving them for the diversity and uniqueness that has been created in them by God. For the primary purpose of all humanity is to love God and each other and to rely solely on him living for his glory above all else. A dependency on people, place or things will fail. Only in and through Christ can one truly find the substance of needs. When we lean to heavy on people for emotional or any other support we become beggars. When we turn to places or things or give our power to people other than God they become our Judas’ our false god’s and ultimately the means of sin and death (Beth, et al., 2003).

 

 

 The Nature of Forgiveness

A study conducted by Finchman and Beach concluded that the role forgiveness plays in resolving arguments and disagreements varies only slightly between men and women. “For wives on a 9 point scale forgives had a rating of 5.8 and for husbands 5.7 (Fincham & Beach, 2007).”Although surprisingly low, it does show that forgiveness is an ingredient in the resolution process but it illuminates there are many more variables such as the initial cause of the offense and that perception of data between genders and even the way one processes feelings of healing and hurt are often critical in reaching a mutual understanding during any actual or perceived situation of wrong doing  (Fincham & Beach, 2007). “Well-handled conflicts lead to mutual respect and closeness in an every relationships and between partners (Okafor & Osakinle, 2014).” However, this requires each person to empathize with each other’s thoughts, feelings and actions and to be able to communicate in an appropriate and effective manner so a solution to the problem at hand can bring closure. The Conflict Resolution Model offers a fruitful plan to resolve issues of dissention: “By developing expectations for win-win solutions and defining each party’s interests in brainstorming through creative options plus combining options into win-win solutions negotiation is achieved instead of compromise (Davidson & Wood, 2004).”

A Plethora of other techniques exist but all require effective and efficient communication and empathy and active listening skills. The main focus of this amended work is to provide insight and encouragement to couple in times of conflict so the social illness of divorce can be prevented or cured.

The original paper was written in the summer of 2015. However, the availability of new research and as errors were found within the original an amendment was warranted. The original contained a solid foundation of information to build upon thus it was used as the basis for the new work (Rindoks, 2015).  Although some may question this approach one may ask if the Epistle of Romans which is a synopsis of Paul’s writings and includes paraphrase from the Old Testament and contemporary works of his era has any merit or even any current work of many scholars and professional of this age. The emphasis on legalism over morality is best settled by the statement made by Paul and should be used to avoid conflicts, foster diversity and encourage unity while breaking down the barriers of pride and is included in the Epistle of Romans: “We who are strong (Moral) ought to bear with the failings of the weak (Legalistic) and not to please ourselves. Each of us should please our neighbors for their good, to build them up. For even Christ did not please himself but, as it is written: ‘The insults of those who insult you have fallen on me.’ For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you the same attitude of mind toward each other that Christ Jesus had, so that with one mind and one voice you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God (Rom. 15: 1-7 NIV).”

The Biblical Marriage Examined

The Biblical Model of Marriage is based on the doctrine of the trinity in which the Father, Son and Spirit each are three uniquely distinctive individuals of one collective body or personas.  In the beginning and throughout all the seasons of marriage the two separate personalities that make up the unified couple become one united entity.  While both parties   retain distinct personality traits, backgrounds, strengths and weaknesses each person is united with the other and God in a covenant which is more than an arrangement. This pact of free submissiveness is not a contractual obligation or moral agreement but rather a juncture of mind, body, soul and spirit that forms the final cohesion or unity of the whole marriage – the covenant of trinity or oneness with God.

Both the bride and groom retain connection to their respective families of origin however each family is also incorporated in to the dynamic and additionally new family element is created and joined to form yet another trinity or cohesive unit. Each individual brings their respective individual strengths and weakness to the marriage which thus acts in a cumulative nature creating a stronger unit, based on interdependence, giving foundation ,empowerment and security to the whole family dynamic or unified structure as a whole (Balswick & K, 2014).

All of creation is driven to meet certain basic needs which can be divided into two primary categories of either significance or security. In a healthy marriage one must looks first to Christ to meet one’s needs and then relies on each other provide the necessary mutual support to meet matters of significance and security (Crabb, 1977).  All of mankind’s shortcomings, or sins  stem from insecurities and misplaced need which leads us to rely on our self or depend to heavily on others resulting in unhealthy relational types, false assumptions, maladjusted emotional responses, and inappropriate actions. This in turn results in conflict, as negative emotions, and communication errors lead others to react to what is perceived as hurt or harm (Beth, et al., 2003). Without the help of God and others, mutual understanding and growth conflict resolution is often unsuccessful for unmet issues of the past or present will keep resurfacing within all of one’s relationships or interactions.

While, many theories and worldviews hold the belief that one is to strive, declare and achieve independence from tyranny, seek the empowerment, and live for self-ambition. In truth all were justified and redeemed worthy only by the Blood of Christ and called to be live in an empowered interdependent relationship for the glory of God. This new citizenship and merit has freed all from the bondage of the sin and death yet is a gracious gift requiring the submission of love to God and another. Even Jesus did not act independently of his father and would frequently perform works alongside the aid of his companions. Submission can best be understood as an act of loving respect in which all parties involved merely empty themselves[1] to serve the greater good of all involved and not as an act of authoritarian control. Furthermore, submission is the action that binds though and feeling and empowers all members of the group to grow, prosper, learn develop, encourage one another, and strengthens unity of the dynamic. Through respect, trust, forgiveness, effective communication acknowledgement of strengths, the practice of disciplines submission enables the man to love the Church as Jesus loves the Church and the women to become the bride of Christ or helpmate of Adam.  In the case of marriage the two become one and are conjoined with God as they trudge the road as one in the service and glory of God.

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Effective Communication

Effective communication skills are not only important in resolving conflicts but the lack of proper communication is one of the primary causes of conflicts in relationships. Thus, effective communication skills are paramount for a marriage and all relationship in general. Communication consists of both verbal and nonverbal components (body language, reading etc.…) however verbal components are the more effective as they allow the listener to respond to errors of translation or miscommunication (Balswick & K, 2014). Non-verbal communication is reliant on symbolism and thus can be misinterpreted by the receiver and is easily taken out of context.

When verbal and nonverbal communication are blended effective – communication is created. Both parties interact using body language and verbal cues.  This higher form of communication is thus achieved but requires a certain degree of intuition and empathy. In using the ability to understand and define the feelings of another plus combing the aptitude to differentiate cultural, gender and personality differences effective communication and rapport is achieved. However, one must first be an active and effective listener to master the art of communication as communication requires both the ability to transmit, process and receive information if one wishes to master the art of communication.

Active-Effective Listening

Active and effective listening can be beneficial to couples in three primary areas. First, it reduces self-interest and increases interdependency. Second, it breaks down negative patterns in communication such as criticism, defensiveness (retaliation), contempt (insults), or stonewalling (avoidance, shutting down).  Finally, it proliferates the quality and quantity of the communication time and meaning (Clinton & Ohlschlanger, 2013). An efficient listening technique often taught to couples who undergo counseling is the L.O.V.E. method (Rindoks, 2015).

L.O.V.E.

L- Listen and Repeat. People frequently feel they are misunderstood because they actually are often misunderstood. To compensate for this problem in communication one party must listen reflecting on context and empathizing with the feeling of the one speaking. Then the one receiving should repeat the message. Clarification and repetition confirms that the proper context and feeling has been transmitted. Additionally, this allows the transmitter to fix any confusion of context or emotional misunderstanding aiding to harmony in congruency in communication.

O- Observe your effects. Pay attention to cues in that the message is not being misunderstood. If an error in communication occurs abruptly stop and apologize for the error.

V- Value your partner. Value uniqueness as you seek to resolve conflicts avoiding criticism and negativity.

E- Evaluate the interest of both partners. Consider substitutive resolutions that will serve the interests of all participants. Reflect on if the solution will advance spiritual growth and serve the Glory of God of both the marriage, each individual and the family and /or society in the spirit of truth, love and unity. (Clinton & Ohlschlanger, 2013).

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Forgiveness

In order to maintain harmony within a marriage, and for conflict resolution to be a success both parties must be willing to exercise forgiveness. The Bible teaches that in order to be forgiven one must first forgive (Matt. 6:15 NIV).  One practical model for forgiveness is known as the R.E.A.C.H. Model.

R.E.A.C.H.

R- Recall the hurt. Describe the transgression in writing and the aspiration for forgiveness including ways to transmit or receive an apology, means of understanding the transgressor(s) and transgression(s) in a new light, and finally seeking resolution to move on with one’s life through the reliance of divine intervention and is some cases with the aid of civil justice (Clinton, Hart, & Ohlschlager, Caring For People God’s Way, 2005) (Rindoks, 2015).

E- Empathize with the transgressor. Express compassion for the transgressor and attempting to see the situation from their prospective.  This allows negative feelings and loss to reducing the need to play the role or view oneself as the victim. It is helpful to reminisce on positive emotions, actions, or memories about the person or situation to aid in healing and forgiving process.

A-Altruistic gift of forgiveness. Bless the other person with the gift of forgiveness.  Focus on a time when you to committed a sin and were forgiven or even when the wrong was forgotten and embrace the feeling you received by the grace and mercy of forgiveness.

C-Commit publicly to forgiveness. In the case of serious wrong doing, hurt or abuse, many find comfort humility and healing by composing an affirmation of forgiveness and sharing this publicly with a witness. Some may wish to apologize publicly before a third-party verbally or in a group setting as a testimony of forgiveness. Others way wish to write a brief synopsis of the wrong and burn it as an offering to God. No matter the method taken all the above actions, thoughts and feelings illustrate a commitment to change and help hold each party accountable to the act of forgiveness and blossom growth, healing joy and love.

H- Hold on when in doubt. It is natural to feel anger or fear towards the offender even after one has forgiven the offense for some time. When such feelings turn to rumination, or perception of negative thought, feelings, actions, or consequences, one must not merely stop such a process but change the negative assumptions into positive thoughts or feelings about the person or situation (Clinton, Hart, & Ohlschlager, Caring For People God’s Way, 2005). When in doubt or overwhelmed hold on to positive thoughts and feelings of being forgiven yourself by others and the grace and mercy that you are forgiven in and justified by Christ alone.

Anger

Many people mistakenly confuse anger as a primary emotional response. Anger in actuality is a secondary emotional response and is a God given reaction simply telling the mind and/or the heart that some other emotion or thoughts is the cause of the disturbance (Rindoks, 2015). The Bible instructs us “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold (Eph. 6: 26-27 NIV).” Simply stated this instructs us to promptly deal with conflict and not react in an inappropriate manner. Rather to promptly confront the person or situation head on and deal with it in an appropriate and virtuous and constructive manner instead of one that will harm one’s self or others. Anger itself is not a primary emotion but an indicator that something else is going on within or around the person. Thus Anger, is much like what happen when we put are hand on a stove we feel the burn. We can decide to leave it on the burner continue experiencing pain damage to body and even become numb from nerve damage, we can throw a fit cuss, scream or blame other, or we can simply treat the wound, determine, the reason we put our hand in the fire in the first place and then take steps to not do it again. Additionally, if the fault is partially someone else we need to admit our part while peacefully negotiation measures so we and others do not get burnt in the future.

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Methodology of Conflict Resolution

The Rules of Fair Fighting

The Rules of Fair Fighting is a practical method of negotiation. Introduced in 1968 by George Bach and Peter Wayden it provides 14 guidelines for reaching a viable solution.  Before this time all instances of conflicts were regarded as negative and thus the tendency was to avoid issues of strife or for the stronger party to engage in control (The Compromise Resolution Method or Authoritarian Model) or use other forms of power such as overindulgences, or  engage in overprotection issues (Balswick & K, 2014). The following is a summary of the fourteen steps of The Fair Fighting Rules:

  1. Identify the issue. Identify the issue and when multiple matters exist prioritize to correlate their association handling each individually.
  2. Choose the right time. Allow time for emotions to diffuse. Chose time that is appropriate for all participants schedule.
  3. Choose an appropriate place. Choose A neutral setting that will not give an advantage or make any feel uncomfortable and is free from distractions.
  4. Begin in a positive manner. Begin with complements, praise and prayer. State the situation in an empathic manner.
  5. Stick to the issue. Stick to the issues and do not become distracted.
  6. Do not bring up the past. Some may use a tactic known as gunny-sacking in which frustration and anger is stored up and then released, thus it is important to avoid bringing up past harms and criticisms.
  7. Avoid using emotional attacks. Hitting below the belt or using emotional attacks is prohibited In Fair Fighting.
  8. Take the other perspective seriously. Avoid chuckling or ridicule, and value each other’s participation.
  9. Express anger nonabusively. Use decisive statements of feeling and avoid verbal abuse and personal badgering or other tactics of control and abuse.
  10. Do not play games. Common methods include: the martyr (“I cannot do anything right!”), faking neediness or dependency, or the victim, (poor me).  Such tactics are to be circumvented as they only stall or destroy any attempts of negotiation or sway the decision forcing a one-side outcome and thus not a mutual compromise or true resolution.
  11. Avoid passive / aggressive behavior. Passive aggression can best be defined as using sublime or even indirect means to retaliate against a person in a response to anger. This ploy is often used by passive aggressive types to gain an upper hand in an argument.
  12. Do not ask for explanation of behavior. Commonly viewed as blaming, the person being interrogated or accused cannot offer a reasonable explanation and as such this method is counterproductive as it serve to bring about discord and stall any attempts of reconciliation or forgiveness.
  13. Avoid stereotyping and name calling. Avoid derogatory words such as ignorant, stupid, childish, and the like as these only act to antagonize the situation and hurt the feelings of other person. Furthermore, stereotypes and generalities may be mistaken as attacks and should be minimized or avoid at all cost.
  14. Avoid triangulation. Triangulation occurs when a third party is brought into a dispute to gain an advantage by one side(Balswick & K, 2014).

The Rules of Fair Fighting were introduced to provide structure for conflict resolution however they serve only as the foundation for conflict resolution.

Conflict Resolution Model

“The Conflict Resolution Model was formulated by a group of Australian psychologists who studied a variety of sources in order to integrate various methods to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome in a conflict situation thus creating a best-practice prescriptive process for negotiation and resolution of discord (Davidson & Wood, 2004).” The model is composed of four parts and is designed to give both parties a win-win solution (negotiated dual compromise).

  1. Developing the expectations for win-win solutions. Mistakenly both parties enter into negotiating expecting to have an advantageous outcome. It is necessary that the problem is reframed to provide for a dual compromise, cooperation and/or mutuality if a resolution is to be reached.
  2. Defining the issue in terms of underlying concerns, needs, or interests. Using efficient communication, skills and active listening coupled with empathy; each party should define the issue without blame, criticism or negativity.
  3. Using creativity and insight various outcomes should be explored to bring resolution to the issue at hand that will be favorable to all parties involved.
  4. Combining options into win-win solutions. Select from the best available alternatives that will yield the maximum benefit and provide a resolution to the conflict at hand benefiting all parties. If an agreement is not reached repeat the process.

In a newer derivative model known as PET which is often considered a management strategy the results are reviewed at a later date and then if the issue is still relevant the negotiation procedure is reviewed, revised,  returned to and continued  until a satisfactory resolution is achieved (Davidson & Wood, 2004).

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Conclusion

Conflicts are part of life.  Efficient communication active listen skills and forgiveness form the basis for all conflict resolution. It is of the upmost importance that in conflict resolution a solution is reached that brings unity, harmony and is of mutually beneficial to all parties involved in the resolution process. Occasionally this may require sacrifice on the part of one party, however it usual result in a dual compromise after negotiation and sacrifice from all participants involved in the tumultuous action. In most cases it involves brainstorming. Conflicts arise from miscommunication, feelings of hurt or harm especially when one’s security or significance is actually or perceived to be threatened.

Often originating from insecurities in development and other issues during the various stages of life it is essential for one to heal from past transgressions and forgive the wrongdoing of self and others.

Marriage is a covenant between the Trinity or three personalities of God and the couple. Thus, it is essential couples learn to work out their differences using the skills of conflict resolution. All of creation was created for relationship and all relationship is based on love. Thus it is important we carry the virtue of love in all are interactions on a daily basis.

In God, Christ and Spirit,

Trenton Clark Rindoks

 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails (1 Cor. 13:4-8 ).

 

References

Balswick, J. O., & K, B. J. (2014). The Family. Grand Rapids: Baker Academic.

 

Beth, M., Briscoe, J., Wilson, S. D., Hart, K., Hager, D., Wells, T., & LaHaye, B. (2003). A Women and Her God: Life Enriching Messages: Extraordinary women. Brentwood: Integrity Publishers (AACC).

 

Clinton, T., & Ohlschlanger, G. (2013). Competent Christian Counseling (Vol. 1). Colorado Springs: Water Brook Press.

 

Clinton, T., & Sibcy, G. (2006). Why You Do The Things You Do. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

 

Clinton, T., Hart, A., & Ohlschlager. (2005). Caring For People God’s Way. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

 

Crabb, L. (1977). Effective Biblical Counseling. Grand Rapids: Zondervan.

 

Davidson, J., & Wood, C. (2004). A Conflict Resolution Model. Theory into Practice, 43(1), 6-13. Retrieved from http://www.jstor.org/stable/3701559

 

Duffield, B. (2013). Reasons Why Conflict in Marriage Can Deter Divorce. American Journal of Family Law, 208-211. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1418169371?accountid=12085

 

 

Fincham, F. D., & Beach, S. R. (2007). Longitudinal Relations Between Forgiveness and Conflict Resolution. Journal of Family Psychology, 21(3), 542-545. doi:10.1037/0893-3200.21.3.542

 

Kurdek, L. A. (1995). Predicting change in marital satisfaction from husbands’ and wives’ conflict resolution styles. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 57(1), 153. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/219763197?accountid=12085

 

 

Okafor, V. C., & Osakinle, E. O. (2014). CONFLICT RESOLUTION THROUGH EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION. Interdisciplinary Journal of Contemporary Research in Business, 5(9), 321-334. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/1511427147?accountid=12085

 

Rindoks, T. C. (2015, Summer). Conflict Resolution in Marriage. CCOU 301, Liberty Univeristy, 1-12. Munford, Tennessee, United States of America: Hades 1 Solution. Retrieved from http://hades1solution.tumblr.com/

Footnote:

[1]Kenosis: To free oneself of affliction, loss, control, over-indulgence, habits,  fear, anxiety, pride,  false assumptions and adopt the mind and heart of Christ… : “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage 7 rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature[b] of a servant, being made in human likeness And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross (Phil 2:5-8) !”

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